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Brazil's Gun Ban Voted Down

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Brazil's Gun Ban Voted Down

Last week, the citizens of Brazil voted not to ban gun sales despite their nation having one of the world's highest murder rates. What do you think?
  • "Good. Without a heavy dose of pain and sorrow, Brazilian music wouldn't be worth listening to."

    Laurie Selmon Systems Analyst
  • "Sometimes, being number one in the world in murder rates is better than not being number one in anything at all."

    Clark Loeffler Art Therapist
  • "This bit of news will greatly aid in my stereotyping of Brazilians as not only a party-crazy, bikini-waxing people, but also as a gun-loving one."

    William Metz Metallurgist

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