adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Brazil's Gun Ban Voted Down

Last week, the citizens of Brazil voted not to ban gun sales despite their nation having one of the world's highest murder rates. What do you think?
  • "Good. Without a heavy dose of pain and sorrow, Brazilian music wouldn't be worth listening to."

    Laurie Selmon Systems Analyst
  • "Sometimes, being number one in the world in murder rates is better than not being number one in anything at all."

    Clark Loeffler Art Therapist
  • "This bit of news will greatly aid in my stereotyping of Brazilians as not only a party-crazy, bikini-waxing people, but also as a gun-loving one."

    William Metz Metallurgist
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close