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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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‘Breaking Bad’ Ends

The AMC hit Breaking Bad, starring Bryan Cranston as a high school chemistry teacher with cancer who turns to making methamphetamine and Aaron Paul as his young partner in crime, came to a close after five critically acclaimed seasons. What do you think?

  • “I knew it was going to be a great show the second it won its third Emmy.”

    Dirk Potvin Union Leader
  • “This show was an inspiration to any teacher who always wanted to hang out with that cool kid who graduated.”

    Shellie Marlowe Cement Pourer
  • “Oh, that’s right, I meant to buy meth today.”

    Harvey Hunter Garland Maker

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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