adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Breast-Feeding Saves Lives, Money

A study in the journal Pediatrics found that if all U.S. babies were breast-fed exclusively for six months, it would save 900 lives, as well as $13.6 billion in lost wages and medical costs, each year. What do you think?

  • "Nothing you say will make me put a child anywhere near this set of blue-ribbon jugs."

    Sara Da Silva Regulatory Affairs Assistant
  • "But how much money could babies earn if they worked those six months?"

    Trevor Birch Telesales Specialist
  • "Uh, could you please go and read that item somewhere else?"

    Cory Aspinall Systems Analyst

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close