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Breast-Implant Dangers

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Breast-Implant Dangers

Last week, the FDA ruled that the two leading brands of saline breast implants are safe enough to stay on the market despite "relatively high" risks of complications such as pain or leaking. What do you think about the controversial approval?
  • "I still have some reservations about saline implants. I think I'll just get one and see how I like it."

    Lisa DeVarona School Psychologist
  • "Speaking as a medical professional well-acquainted with the dangers of cosmetic surgery, I likes big ol' titties."

    Nate Combs Doctor
  • "Women should be free to do with their bodies whatever men want."

    Tom Grunwold Systems Analyst
  • "We sure have come a long way from the days when our ancestors carved breast implants from antler and horn."

    Judith Criss Teacher
  • "I paid $8,000 for breast implants for my wife, only to have her romanced away from me by the enigmatic Latin lover El Macho. Curse you, El Macho!"

    Ben Dracht Cameraman
  • "Maybe if those stupid bitches had any self-esteem, they wouldn't need implants. Whores."

    Larry Yates Electrician

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