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Breast Implants For Teens

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Breast Implants For Teens

According to a recent study, there has been a sharp rise in breast-implant surgery among teenage girls over the past five years. What do you think about this trend?

  • "As a parent of a 15-year-old girl, I must speak out on this issue. You can't imagine how difficult it is to successfully raise an A- or B-cup student."

    Dan Warren Systems Analyst
  • "It's about time these girls started paying attention to their appearance."

    Margot Dutler Homemaker
  • "It's better to give a young girl the implants she wants in a safe, reliable medical facility than for her to get them on the street."

    Lydia Cole Hostess
  • "Our society is a victim of badly misplaced priorities. We should be focusing on our teens' sweet little asses."

    Marshall Boone Broker
  • "I don't think breast implants for teens are a good idea. It's hard enough to have sex with them as it is."

    Ted Ghopal Barber
  • "Why do teenage girls need breast implants to be more popular? Can't they learn to smoke instead?"

    Paul Presser Custodian

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