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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Breast Implants For Teens

According to a recent study, there has been a sharp rise in breast-implant surgery among teenage girls over the past five years. What do you think about this trend?

  • "As a parent of a 15-year-old girl, I must speak out on this issue. You can't imagine how difficult it is to successfully raise an A- or B-cup student."

    Dan Warren
    Systems Analyst
  • "It's about time these girls started paying attention to their appearance."

    Margot Dutler
    Homemaker
  • "It's better to give a young girl the implants she wants in a safe, reliable medical facility than for her to get them on the street."

    Lydia Cole
    Hostess
  • "Our society is a victim of badly misplaced priorities. We should be focusing on our teens' sweet little asses."

    Marshall Boone
    Broker
  • "I don't think breast implants for teens are a good idea. It's hard enough to have sex with them as it is."

    Ted Ghopal
    Barber
  • "Why do teenage girls need breast implants to be more popular? Can't they learn to smoke instead?"

    Paul Presser
    Custodian

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