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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Breastfed Children Achieve Higher Social Status

According to new research, people who were breastfed as infants had higher cognitive development than those who were not breastfed and were 24 percent more likely to increase their social status over their lives, as measured by income and job. What do you think?

  • “Thanks a lot for the image of Warren Buffett suckling.”

    Holly Lilyholm Oil Well Pumper
  • “I breastfed right before the ACT and got a 28!”

    Robby Ufford Model
  • “But in today’s job market, just being breastfed isn’t enough. It also depends on the shape of the breast and how hard the kid sucked on it.”

    Tom Yamazaki Financial Executive
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Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

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