adBlockCheck

Breastfed Children Achieve Higher Social Status

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Breastfed Children Achieve Higher Social Status

According to new research, people who were breastfed as infants had higher cognitive development than those who were not breastfed and were 24 percent more likely to increase their social status over their lives, as measured by income and job. What do you think?

  • “Thanks a lot for the image of Warren Buffett suckling.”

    Holly Lilyholm Oil Well Pumper
  • “I breastfed right before the ACT and got a 28!”

    Robby Ufford Model
  • “But in today’s job market, just being breastfed isn’t enough. It also depends on the shape of the breast and how hard the kid sucked on it.”

    Tom Yamazaki Financial Executive

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close