adBlockCheck

Bristol Palin As Herself

Top Headlines

Politics

Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Bristol Palin As Herself

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol will appear on the ABC Family program The Secret Life Of The American Teenager playing herself. What do you think?
  • "Every teenager should be informed about the consequences a pregnancy can have on their parent's vice presidential candidacy."

    Jerry Klein Appliance Repairman
  • "It's refreshing to see a single mother get out there and earn an honest living on television instead of looking for taxpayer handouts."

    Dan Smith Assistant Controller
  • "This will warn teen girls that having sex before marriage may lead to having to appear on shitty TV shows."

    Ruth Stemmons Training Developer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close