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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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British Corpses Piling Up

British undertakers are refusing to bury the dead until bereaved families receive delayed government support payments. What do you think?
  • "I really would have thought the work was its own reward for those guys."

    Diana Rusk Provost
  • "Give some Irishman a shovel and he'll probably do it just for the opportunity to punch a British corpse in the face a couple times."

    Alan Ballard Systems Analyst
  • "I've actually been dead for two months, and this is my ghost talking. Bury me so I can move on!"

    Thomas Wilson Ghost

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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