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British Soldiers Videotaped Brutalizing Iraqi Teens

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The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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British Soldiers Videotaped Brutalizing Iraqi Teens

The assault on four Iraqi teenagers by members of the British military, as well as the cameraman's mocking commentary, has enraged people throughout the Middle East. What do you think?
  • "This is the worst thing to entertain the British since The Benny Hill Show."

    Erin Van Dam Fitness Trainer
  • "These long deployments have kept them separated from the Irish for too long."

    Joseph Izzo Systems Analyst
  • "So let me get this straight: You're telling me that something has enraged people throughout the Middle East?"

    Sergei Pulinko Sales Manager

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