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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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British: UFOs Aren't Real

A recently declassified British Ministry of Defence report says that UFOs can be explained as natural, though bizarre, phenomena. What do you think?
  • "This causes me to doubt everything I learned from a variety of Twilight Zone rip-offs."

    Gary Halverson Project Manager
  • "If there's no such thing as aliens, then how do you explain my mother-in-law? Haha! Please, rescue me from my marriage."

    Jodi Haber Garbage Man
  • "So they infiltrated the British Ministry of Defence. Right on schedule."

    Rick Previon Dancer

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