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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Britney Spears To Have Own Las Vegas Show

Pop star Britney Spears announced that she will begin a two-year residency at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas on December 27, performing the show “Britney: Piece of Me” 50 times each in 2014 and 2015. What do you think?

  • “I’ll probably only be able to make 20 or 30 of the shows.”

    Gordon Haas Stable Attendant
  • “Oh man, my bachelor party’s gonna rock now!”

    Sean Wilder Soil Scientist
  • “Does she owe money to the house?”

    Catherine Pruett Pedicurist

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