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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Britney Spears To Have Own Las Vegas Show

Pop star Britney Spears announced that she will begin a two-year residency at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas on December 27, performing the show “Britney: Piece of Me” 50 times each in 2014 and 2015. What do you think?

  • “I’ll probably only be able to make 20 or 30 of the shows.”

    Gordon Haas Stable Attendant
  • “Oh man, my bachelor party’s gonna rock now!”

    Sean Wilder Soil Scientist
  • “Does she owe money to the house?”

    Catherine Pruett Pedicurist

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