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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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'Brüno' A Success

Brüno, the new film from Sacha Baron Cohen, screened this weekend to critical and box office success. What do you think?
  • "Oh, that Sacha Baron Cohen. He's totally unpredictable. You never know what to expect from him unless you've seen all his other work."

    Paul Gillespie Systems Analyst
  • "I don't think making fun of gays is funny, unless my pal Randy does it. He's really good at it."

    Priscilla Smith Inventory Manager
  • "I have Sacha Baron Cohen to thank for revealing the severe shortcomings and outright petty prejudices I and others share. I will now use this new self-knowledge to improve myself as a person, and be better to those around me."

    Will McCaffrey Guest Services Representative
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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