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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Budget Cuts Shutter Alien Search

Due to budget cutbacks, the radio telescope arrays at the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) Institute have been shut down since Apr. 15. What do you think?

  • "I'm sure if the aliens showed up right now and saw we had a means to contact them but had to shut it off because of money troubles they'd totally applaud our fiscal discipline."

    Wanda Daniels Systems Analyst
  • “The 15th! Everybody knows that April 16th is Contact Earth Day among the Andromeda Tribes.”

    Danny Fuqua Heavy Forger
  • "Listen up, you heartless, program-slashing Republicans: You've just made a small, pasty, and physically weak group of enemies."

    Len Watson Unemployed

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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