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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Budget Cuts Shutter Alien Search

Due to budget cutbacks, the radio telescope arrays at the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) Institute have been shut down since Apr. 15. What do you think?

  • "I'm sure if the aliens showed up right now and saw we had a means to contact them but had to shut it off because of money troubles they'd totally applaud our fiscal discipline."

    Wanda Daniels Systems Analyst
  • “The 15th! Everybody knows that April 16th is Contact Earth Day among the Andromeda Tribes.”

    Danny Fuqua Heavy Forger
  • "Listen up, you heartless, program-slashing Republicans: You've just made a small, pasty, and physically weak group of enemies."

    Len Watson Unemployed
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