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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Budget Deficit Hits Record

In the face of diminished government revenue, the federal budget deficit set a new record for the month of April. What do you think?

  • "I'm not willing to give up any benefits, but they can go ahead and make my grandkids' lives a living nightmare if that will help."

    Cara Svenonius Systems Analyst
  • "If they're anything like me, it's because America invested in their dumb brother-in-law's disastrous palm tree business."

    Dan Gamboa Rock Splitter
  • "It's all the Democrats’ fault! Or it's all the Republicans' fault–I'm not sure. What we know for certain, according to everything I've heard, is that it's entirely the fault of one of them or the other and certainly not due to any combination of the two."

    Michael Canty Cage Maker

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