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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Budget Super Committee A Bust

Tasked with finding $1.2 trillion worth of deficit cuts to be spread over the next 10 years, the budget super committee in Congress announced this week it had failed to reach a compromise. What do you think?

  • "Well, of course they failed; this was a job for a mega task force or even an ultra commission, but not a super committee."

    Mary Lance Debrander
  • "Wow, this came out of nowhere."

    Marcus Candelara Systems Analyst
  • "Plus, they added an extra $42 billion to the budget to pay for the state-of-the-art Super Committee Secret Fortress they had built inside Roosevelt's head at Mount Rushmore."

    Don Whitfield Die Finisher

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