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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Budget Super Committee A Bust

Tasked with finding $1.2 trillion worth of deficit cuts to be spread over the next 10 years, the budget super committee in Congress announced this week it had failed to reach a compromise. What do you think?

  • "Well, of course they failed; this was a job for a mega task force or even an ultra commission, but not a super committee."

    Mary Lance Debrander
  • "Wow, this came out of nowhere."

    Marcus Candelara Systems Analyst
  • "Plus, they added an extra $42 billion to the budget to pay for the state-of-the-art Super Committee Secret Fortress they had built inside Roosevelt's head at Mount Rushmore."

    Don Whitfield Die Finisher

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