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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bush And The ABM Treaty

Worried about nuclear attacks by terrorists and rogue states, President Bush pulled out of the ABM treaty in the hopes of building a missile shield. What do you think?
  • "This is a wise move on Bush's part, considering the fact that terrorists possess elaborate launching systems capable of firing nuclear missiles into space."

    Larry Edwards Systems Analyst
  • "It's reassuring to know that, after everything that's happened in the past three months, there's still irrefutable proof that Bush is a dick."

    Marjorie Ready Student
  • "The ABM treaty was a noble but ultimately flawed idea that hindered our ability to bomb the fuck out of countries we don't like."

    Will Lathon Auto Mechanic
  • "As a full-blooded Native American, I'd like to know why everyone's acting so goddamned surprised."

    Leonard Whitecloud Cashier
  • "A missile-defense system is all the more vital now that we've pissed off Russia so bad."

    Thomas Provenza Lawyer
  • "This shield will protect us from terrorists who steal radioactive industrial-waste materials and build 'dirty bombs' aimed at subways, bridges, and other public spaces, right? Phew."

    Lauren Keith Dental Hygienist

More from this section

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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