adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bush And The ABM Treaty

Worried about nuclear attacks by terrorists and rogue states, President Bush pulled out of the ABM treaty in the hopes of building a missile shield. What do you think?
  • "This is a wise move on Bush's part, considering the fact that terrorists possess elaborate launching systems capable of firing nuclear missiles into space."

    Larry Edwards Systems Analyst
  • "It's reassuring to know that, after everything that's happened in the past three months, there's still irrefutable proof that Bush is a dick."

    Marjorie Ready Student
  • "The ABM treaty was a noble but ultimately flawed idea that hindered our ability to bomb the fuck out of countries we don't like."

    Will Lathon Auto Mechanic
  • "As a full-blooded Native American, I'd like to know why everyone's acting so goddamned surprised."

    Leonard Whitecloud Cashier
  • "A missile-defense system is all the more vital now that we've pissed off Russia so bad."

    Thomas Provenza Lawyer
  • "This shield will protect us from terrorists who steal radioactive industrial-waste materials and build 'dirty bombs' aimed at subways, bridges, and other public spaces, right? Phew."

    Lauren Keith Dental Hygienist

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close