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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Bush And The Weapons Inspections

Last week, Saddam Hussein agreed to U.N. weapons inspections in Iraq, but President Bush dismissed the offer as a cynical ploy. What do you think?
  • "It's clear to me that nothing short of war will stop Iraq from using its weapons."

    John Englund Software <br>Developer
  • "I'd feel a lot better about the president's handling of this global nuclear brinksmanship if he could actually pronounce the word nuclear."

    Miriam Knorr Teacher
  • "Bush should take up t'ai chi. He'd be a lot more relaxed and not so invady."

    Todd Thane Landscaper
  • "Weird. It's almost as if Bush wants to invade."

    Mitchell Ploeg Systems <br>Analyst
  • "This whole invasion-of-Iraq thing is so complicated. I wish Kurt Loder would explain it to me."

    Rick Dunst Cab Driver
  • "So, let me get this straight: Bush is saying he wants to invade Iraq, and Iraq is, like, trying to talk him out of it? Is this how invasions are usually handled?"

    Audra Franks Homemaker

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