Bush And The Weapons Inspections

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Vol 38 Issue 35

Temp Replaced With Cheaper Temp

SAN BERNARDINO, CA—In a personnel move expected to save the company $17 a day, Cyntrel Fiberoptics replaced longtime Manpower temp worker Paulette Riordan with lower-paid MetroTemp employee Don Sendelbach. "Paulette was a familiar face in this office who we all very much liked," departmental supervisor William Youmans said. "But with the economy the way it is, tough decisions sometimes have to be made. Don's really learning the ropes well." Riordan's plans for the future include calling Manpower to inquire about openings in other offices.

B*A*P*S Rented On Strength Of Academy Award-Winning Stars

IRVING, TX—Blockbuster Video customer Stephanie Campbell rented the 1997 comedy B*A*P*S Tuesday, swayed by the presence of Oscar-winners Halle Berry and Martin Landau. "Wow, this is a pretty impressive cast," said Campbell, studying the back of the video box. "Talk about heavy hitters—it's even got Ian Richardson." Campbell ensured an evening of top-notch movie-watching by also renting Loaded Weapon I, which features Oscar-winner F. Murray Abraham.

American Idol Winner Already Complaining About Pressures Of Fame

NEW YORK—Kelly Clarkson, the winner of Fox's American Idol, griped about the pressures of her weeks-old celebrity Monday during an appearance on Live! With Regis And Kelly. "Being a star is amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but sometimes it's like, 'Can I please have, like, one second to myself?'" Clarkson said. "Everyone wants a piece of you, and there is zero privacy." Clarkson, who performed her debut single "A Moment Like This" on Live!, said she plans to spend the next month "recharging at a secluded desert spa."

Hotel Bar Really Hopping Tonight, Says Hotel Bartender

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—According to George Fontana, the Grand Rapids Hilton's Tiki Town bar and lounge is "really hopping tonight," the 46-year-old hotel bartender reported Monday. "Usually, Mondays are pretty slow around here," Fontana said. "But it's been non-stop since about 10. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why. I'd say it was the dental-supply convention, but most of those fellas are staying over at the Radisson." Fontana added that if the rush keeps up, he may have to unlock the supply closet to get a fresh box of olive picks.
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Bush And The Weapons Inspections

Last week, Saddam Hussein agreed to U.N. weapons inspections in Iraq, but President Bush dismissed the offer as a cynical ploy. What do you think?
  • "It's clear to me that nothing short of war will stop Iraq from using its weapons."

    John Englund
    Software <br>Developer
  • "I'd feel a lot better about the president's handling of this global nuclear brinksmanship if he could actually pronounce the word nuclear."

    Miriam Knorr
    Teacher
  • "Bush should take up t'ai chi. He'd be a lot more relaxed and not so invady."

    Todd Thane
    Landscaper
  • "Weird. It's almost as if Bush wants to invade."

    Mitchell Ploeg
    Systems <br>Analyst
  • "This whole invasion-of-Iraq thing is so complicated. I wish Kurt Loder would explain it to me."

    Rick Dunst
    Cab Driver
  • "So, let me get this straight: Bush is saying he wants to invade Iraq, and Iraq is, like, trying to talk him out of it? Is this how invasions are usually handled?"

    Audra Franks
    Homemaker
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