adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bush In Jordan

President Bush is winding down a diplomatic tour with a visit to Jordan to meet with King Abdullah II and Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. What do you think?
  • "It makes sense to hold such a summit in Jordan. After all, the number of Bush effigies per capita are slightly lower there than the rest of the Middle East."

    Phil Watson Park Guide
  • "Hopefully, Bush has learned a great deal on this big, long travel trip. For example, he has probably learned where Jordan is. Or at least that Jordan is a country in the world."

    Vic West Building Superintendent
  • "Extravagant meals, five-star hotels, vibrant cultural entertainment—the president is finally getting an accurate picture of what's going on on the ground."

    Brianna McCoy Candy Maker

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close