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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bush In Jordan

President Bush is winding down a diplomatic tour with a visit to Jordan to meet with King Abdullah II and Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. What do you think?
  • "It makes sense to hold such a summit in Jordan. After all, the number of Bush effigies per capita are slightly lower there than the rest of the Middle East."

    Phil Watson Park Guide
  • "Hopefully, Bush has learned a great deal on this big, long travel trip. For example, he has probably learned where Jordan is. Or at least that Jordan is a country in the world."

    Vic West Building Superintendent
  • "Extravagant meals, five-star hotels, vibrant cultural entertainment—the president is finally getting an accurate picture of what's going on on the ground."

    Brianna McCoy Candy Maker

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