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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Bush: Keep Abstinence In AIDS Plan

President Bush wants to keep a contested provision in his global AIDS package in which one-third of all prevention spending goes to abstinence education. What do you think?
  • "How much was allocated to dry-humping and finger-banging education?"

    Roger Davidson Health Inspector
  • "This is fine as long as the other two-thirds is going towards funding cutting-edge abstinence research."

    Amanda Troughton Apartment Manager
  • "Exactly how much money does it cost to tell people not to have sex with each other?"

    Duncan Pertwee Library Aide

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