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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Bush: Keep Abstinence In AIDS Plan

President Bush wants to keep a contested provision in his global AIDS package in which one-third of all prevention spending goes to abstinence education. What do you think?
  • "How much was allocated to dry-humping and finger-banging education?"

    Roger Davidson Health Inspector
  • "This is fine as long as the other two-thirds is going towards funding cutting-edge abstinence research."

    Amanda Troughton Apartment Manager
  • "Exactly how much money does it cost to tell people not to have sex with each other?"

    Duncan Pertwee Library Aide

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