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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Bush Knew About Katrina

In spite of his assertions to the contrary, reports say that Bush was informed of the worst-case scenario surrounding Hurricane Katrina, and was even videotaped being briefed. What do you think?
  • "That video was taken way out of context. If you step back and view it as just another mistake made by the administration, it's not that bad at all."

    Wally Cox Rental-Car Associate
  • "All this proves is he attended the meeting. There's absolutely no evidence to suggest that he was actually listening."

    Heather North Tuck Pointer
  • "Well, he cared enough to sit through an entire boring meeting about it."

    Alan Hewitt Systems Analyst

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