adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bush Nominates Anti-Gay Surgeon General

Dr. James W. Holsinger, Jr., Bush's nominee for Surgeon General authored a 1991 medical paper arguing that homosexuality is unnatural and unhealthy. What do you think?
  • "I guess there's no one more qualified to talk about the possible dangers of homosexuality than a blown-out asshole."

    Johnny Shields Administrative Service Manager
  • "Yes, but Holsinger wrote that right after Antonio broke up with him. Clearly the guy was hurting a little bit."

    Bryan Seifkes Welder
  • "That's a good start, but I'll reserve judgment until I make sure he doesn't have some bizarre pro-masturbation agenda."

    Meg Niles Amusement Machine Servicer

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close