Bush Nominates Anti-Gay Surgeon General

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Bush Nominates Anti-Gay Surgeon General

Dr. James W. Holsinger, Jr., Bush's nominee for Surgeon General authored a 1991 medical paper arguing that homosexuality is unnatural and unhealthy. What do you think?
  • "I guess there's no one more qualified to talk about the possible dangers of homosexuality than a blown-out asshole."

    Johnny Shields
    Administrative Service Manager
  • "Yes, but Holsinger wrote that right after Antonio broke up with him. Clearly the guy was hurting a little bit."

    Bryan Seifkes
    Welder
  • "That's a good start, but I'll reserve judgment until I make sure he doesn't have some bizarre pro-masturbation agenda."

    Meg Niles
    Amusement Machine Servicer
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