TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Bush Pressed To Change Staff

President Bush has been under pressure from both parties to reinvigorate his office by bringing in new, more experienced staff members. What do you think?
  • "Bush doesn't need to hire new people, he just needs to give them new nicknames."

    Jason Lange
    Systems Analyst
  • "I guess I'm not the only one getting pretty bored with Alphonso Jackson as secretary of housing and urban development."

    Loran Clay
    Speech Pathologist
  • "I thought Bush had run out of friends to appoint."

    Andy Garcera
    Retail Manager
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More