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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Bush Pressed To Change Staff

President Bush has been under pressure from both parties to reinvigorate his office by bringing in new, more experienced staff members. What do you think?
  • "Bush doesn't need to hire new people, he just needs to give them new nicknames."

    Jason Lange Systems Analyst
  • "I guess I'm not the only one getting pretty bored with Alphonso Jackson as secretary of housing and urban development."

    Loran Clay Speech Pathologist
  • "I thought Bush had run out of friends to appoint."

    Andy Garcera Retail Manager

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