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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Bush Pressed To Change Staff

President Bush has been under pressure from both parties to reinvigorate his office by bringing in new, more experienced staff members. What do you think?
  • "Bush doesn't need to hire new people, he just needs to give them new nicknames."

    Jason Lange Systems Analyst
  • "I guess I'm not the only one getting pretty bored with Alphonso Jackson as secretary of housing and urban development."

    Loran Clay Speech Pathologist
  • "I thought Bush had run out of friends to appoint."

    Andy Garcera Retail Manager
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