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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Bush Takes The Lead

Gaining steam after last week's Republican National Convention, presidential candidate George W. Bush enjoys a strong lead over Al Gore in the polls. What do you think about his recent surge?
  • "Unless Gore can somehow manage to appear on TV before Election Day, Bush would appear to have this thing wrapped."

    Felicia Noonan Speech Pathologist
  • "The Republican convention may have boosted Bush's standing, but some credit must go to his website, www.hot-bush.gov."

    Pete Walker Cab Driver
  • "I usually vote Democrat. On the other hand, that was a lot of confetti they dropped on Bush."

    Rob Weatherspoon Systems Analyst
  • "I was in Philadelphia for RepubCon 2000, and I got this awesome limited-edition Dick Cheney latex mask."

    Denny Young Graphic Designer
  • "I just ate breakfast, and I'm now voting for Cap'n Crunch."

    Tina Devane Waitress
  • "Politics today are so corrupt. Whoever raises the most money wins. Well, the American people are fed up, and they will make their disgust known by voting either for George W. Bush or Al Gore."

    Richard Baer Ophthalmologist

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