adBlockCheck

Recent News

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bush Targeted Al-Jazeera?

According to a leaked memo, President Bush talked about targeting the headquarters of Arabic news station Al-Jazeera in a meeting with Tony Blair in 2004. What do you think?
  • "What, don't we have perfectly good TV stations to bomb right here in America?"

    Nate Hare Roofer
  • "God… Okay, so the president of the United States has to watch every single word he says now?"

    Edna Donn Loan Interviewer
  • "He did, but it wasn't for political reasons…Bush was upset because Al-Jazeera had canceled his favorite executions program."

    Geoffrey Battle Veterinary Technician

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close