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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Bush To Withdraw 30,000 Troops

President Bush announced a plan to withdraw 30,000 troops by next summer. What do you think?
  • "I hope he hasn't picked out the specific 30,000 troops already, because by next August it will be more like 13,500."

    Tanya Shields Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, I'm surprised. That's nearly a perfect amount of troops given the average of every American's opinion."

    Rick Shields Grocery Wholesaler
  • "Good. Now we don't have to talk about Iraq again until then."

    Larry Harvey Poker Dealer

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