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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Bush's Tax Cuts Permanent

Bush wants to make his tax cuts permanent, which would cost $1.4 trillion over 10 years. What do you think?
  • "I don't give a fuck what programs he cuts, just so long as I don't need them right now. No new taxes!"

    Bob McDonald Financial Advisor
  • "These tax cuts are necessary in order to stimulate the economy to the point where we can pay for the tax cuts. Why is that hard for you to understand?"

    Jim Decker Systems Analyst
  • "This could potentially leave a huge deficit for my children and grandchildren, which is perfect revenge for them not visiting me."

    Mary-Ann Rose Line Producer

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