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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Cain Drops Out

After a Georgia woman came forward and claimed she had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain, the former Godfather's Pizza CEO announced he would suspend his campaign for the presidency. What do you think?

  • "That's too bad. He was a serious contender to be president of the United States.”

    Josh Jones Revenue Agent
  • "If Herman Cain's entire presidential campaign was engineered solely as an elaborate ruse for a business executive to scapegoat the news media for his serial marital infidelities, I say, brilliant, brilliant work, sir."

    Kenneth Guy Machine Burrer
  • "Wow. It takes a special kind of extramarital affair to break up a run for president. She must really be something else."

    Denise Sugarman Counseling Psychologist

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