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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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California Citrus In Danger

The recent west-coast cold snap is jeopardizing the California citrus industry. What do you think?
  • "Oh well. The vodka is the only part of the screwdriver I really want, anyway."

    Francis Hawker Corporate Librarian
  • "With the nation's Sunny D supplies at risk, we may all have no alternative but to choose the purple stuff."

    Anna Sinclair Stock Broker
  • "Can't some Mexicans just sit on the orange groves to keep them warm?"

    Clark Pramson Luthier

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