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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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California Citrus In Danger

The recent west-coast cold snap is jeopardizing the California citrus industry. What do you think?
  • "Oh well. The vodka is the only part of the screwdriver I really want, anyway."

    Francis Hawker Corporate Librarian
  • "With the nation's Sunny D supplies at risk, we may all have no alternative but to choose the purple stuff."

    Anna Sinclair Stock Broker
  • "Can't some Mexicans just sit on the orange groves to keep them warm?"

    Clark Pramson Luthier

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