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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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  • More News

California Must Cut Inmate Population

The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a ruling requiring the State of California to remove at least 37,000 inmates from its prisons to reduce overcrowding. What do you think?

  • "Finally, maybe I can meet a man who appreciates the nuances of my bologna sandwiches."

    Jill Binford Hotel Clerk
  • "The real problem here is that prison riots aren't killing as many inmates as they used to."

    Keith Davis Systems Analyst
  • "Some of them can stay at my house while I’m away on a long business trip. That is, if they don’t mind my beautiful young wife walking around making a racket."

    Calvin Ferreri Salesman

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