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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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California Raises Malt Beverage Tax

Responding to criticism that liquor companies were targeting underage drinkers, the California legislature voted to raise the taxes on sweetened malt beverages. What do you think?
  • "This is a greatly needed measure. Those kids I buy booze for have been drinking way too much."

    Carl Munson Bulk Launderer
  • "If the social stigma of holding a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade or Zima doesn't dissuade kids from drinking, nothing will."

    Christine Davis Fact Checker
  • "While it's true that liquor companies may be marketing to underage drinkers, it's the legal-age patrons of the Marriott Courtyard who will ultimately suffer."

    Ruben Thompson Software Installer

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