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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.
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California Restaurant Busted For Serving Whale

The head chef of a Santa Monica sushi restaurant was charged with serving the meat of the endangered sei whale. What do you think?
  • "I don't get it, what's wrong? Did it taste bad or something?"

    Dominic Haskins Internal Audit Manager
  • "Sure, that's exotic, but nothing satisfies me more than feasting on the ultimate prey: chicken."

    Lorrie Murphy Accounts Receivable
  • "Serving whale? That's disgusting. Oh, look! Lasagna in a can is on sale at Albertson’s!"

    Noel Ash Prep Cook
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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

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