adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

California Restaurant Busted For Serving Whale

The head chef of a Santa Monica sushi restaurant was charged with serving the meat of the endangered sei whale. What do you think?
  • "I don't get it, what's wrong? Did it taste bad or something?"

    Dominic Haskins Internal Audit Manager
  • "Sure, that's exotic, but nothing satisfies me more than feasting on the ultimate prey: chicken."

    Lorrie Murphy Accounts Receivable
  • "Serving whale? That's disgusting. Oh, look! Lasagna in a can is on sale at Albertson’s!"

    Noel Ash Prep Cook

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close