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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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California Town On Sale On Craigslist For $225K

The town of Seneca, CA, a 12-acre former gold-mining outpost in the northern part of the state, is being offered on Craigslist for $225,000, which includes the town’s liquor license, three cabins, and a bar. What do you think?

  • “Sorry, I just bought a different town.”

    Carlos Benitez Campground Manager
  • “I’d buy it, but knowing me, I would tax myself into oblivion.”

    Molly Guth Turf Grower
  • “Throw in a handful of broken railroad spikes and we’ve got ourselves a deal.”

    Scotty Hilkene Quarantine Officer

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