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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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California Weighs Ban On Lawyer-Client Relations

California’s state bar association is examining its ethics standards to determine whether lawyers should be banned from sleeping with clients, a measure that some say is a violation of fundamental privacy rights. What do you think?

  • “But it’s the ethical gray area that makes it so hot!”

    Joe Dybas Macaron Displayer
  • “Why is the state of California always trying to sabotage my happiness?”

    Clark Whitcomb Mulch Deliveryman
  • “Please hurry with this. The sexual tension with Robert is more than I can bear.”

    Patsy Noonan Unemployed

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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