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California's Gay-Marriage Bill

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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California's Gay-Marriage Bill

Last week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said he will veto the gay-marriage bill passed by California’s state legislature. What do you think?
  • "Well, I can understand where the governor is coming from. Being an actor, he's probably just not that comfortable with homosexuals."

    David Heller Architect
  • "Goddammit, if gay marriage was good enough for my grandfather, it's good enough for me."

    Elizabeth Slucer Actuary
  • "So, playing all those gun-toting homos in the movies is okay, but when it comes to furthering their civil rights, suddenly they're off limits, huh Arnold?"

    Arthur Bates Painter

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