adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Camaro Coming Back

General Motors announced that, after a five-year absence, the Camaro will be re-introduced in 2009. What do you think?
  • "It's so cute that GM thinks it'll still be in business in 2009."

    Raymond Steif Paramedic
  • "Do you know if they're also planning on re-introducing that loose cheerleader from high school, Christina Morrel? Having a Camaro just wouldn't be the same without her."

    Dale Seblonka Accountant
  • "They stopped making the Camaro five years ago? Looks like I have a new theory about why the terrorists attacked."

    Rebecca Wincapaw Elementary School Teacher

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close