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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Camaro Coming Back

General Motors announced that, after a five-year absence, the Camaro will be re-introduced in 2009. What do you think?
  • "It's so cute that GM thinks it'll still be in business in 2009."

    Raymond Steif Paramedic
  • "Do you know if they're also planning on re-introducing that loose cheerleader from high school, Christina Morrel? Having a Camaro just wouldn't be the same without her."

    Dale Seblonka Accountant
  • "They stopped making the Camaro five years ago? Looks like I have a new theory about why the terrorists attacked."

    Rebecca Wincapaw Elementary School Teacher

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