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THE HEAVENS—Under pressure from scholars, who for centuries have pointed out strong similarities between certain aspects of the two religions, God finally admitted Tuesday that He had stolen the idea for the Messiah from Zoroastrianism and used it as a major feature of the Judeo-Christian tradition.

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PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

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Books Vs. E-Readers

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Camaro Coming Back

General Motors announced that, after a five-year absence, the Camaro will be re-introduced in 2009. What do you think?
  • "It's so cute that GM thinks it'll still be in business in 2009."

    Raymond Steif Paramedic
  • "Do you know if they're also planning on re-introducing that loose cheerleader from high school, Christina Morrel? Having a Camaro just wouldn't be the same without her."

    Dale Seblonka Accountant
  • "They stopped making the Camaro five years ago? Looks like I have a new theory about why the terrorists attacked."

    Rebecca Wincapaw Elementary School Teacher

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