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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Cambodian Antiquity To Be Seized

FBI agents moved to impound a statue from the auction house Sotheby's after Cambodian officials claimed it was looted from an ancient Khmer temple. What do you think?

  • "Shame on you, Sotheby's. I would expect this kind of nonsense from Bonhams & Butterfields, but never you."

    Aric Naidu Devulcanizer Tender
  • "I can’t believe they’re preventing it from finding a new home with a rich person. Hasn’t anyone in Cambodia seen Annie?"

    Charles Lao Sawmill Worker
  • "This sounds like the part of an Indiana Jones movie where I yell, 'Bor-ing!' and everyone sitting next to me laughs."

    Francine Nieves Unemployed

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