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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Can Celebrities Get A Fair Trial?

The inability to find jurors unfamiliar with Martha Stewart has raised concerns that celebrities cannot receive a fair trial. What do you think?
  • "So a bunch of famous people got arrested, and all of a sudden we're worried about fair trials?"

    Jen Craig-Greenman Paralegal
  • "Except for their incredibly well-funded legal-defense teams, these stars are on their own."

    Janice Parks Title Examiner
  • "I hope celebrities can get a fair trial in this country. God knows they can't get decent service."

    Joey Reid Cleaner
  • "May I remind you that I am not on trial here?! Sorry. I just love saying that."

    Lee Daniels Cook
  • "To ensure a fair trial, the judge should present the evidence with Gretchen Mol standing in for the defendant."

    Harold Johnston CEO
  • "Oh, great. If I somehow manage to avoid 20 years of Cheers and Frasier, my reward is a jury seat at Kelsey Grammer's child-murder trial?"

    Timothy Bates Systems Analyst

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