adBlockCheck

Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

Last week, U.S. intelligence officials stated that North Korea has the technology to fire nuclear missiles at the West Coast. What do you think?
  • "It's about time the West Coast started carrying its fair share of the scared-shitless load."

    Jennifer Cotto Research Assistant
  • "Big deal. There's, like, an 80 to 90 percent chance they won't even use those things."

    Lisa Campbell Dietitian
  • "Fuckin' Pyongyang."

    Rich Kingery Cab Driver
  • "North Korea has missiles that can reach the U.S.? We'd better get to work on developing some missiles of our own right away."

    Tom Reynolds Systems Analyst
  • "I sincerely doubt they can reach us. My back scratcher was made in Korea, and the piece of crap can barely reach past my shoulder blades."

    Ron Buhner Gardener
  • "As an American, I'm getting sick and tired of other countries."

    Cris Langston Accountant

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close