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Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

Last week, U.S. intelligence officials stated that North Korea has the technology to fire nuclear missiles at the West Coast. What do you think?
  • "It's about time the West Coast started carrying its fair share of the scared-shitless load."

    Jennifer Cotto
    Research Assistant
  • "Big deal. There's, like, an 80 to 90 percent chance they won't even use those things."

    Lisa Campbell
    Dietitian
  • "Fuckin' Pyongyang."

    Rich Kingery
    Cab Driver
  • "North Korea has missiles that can reach the U.S.? We'd better get to work on developing some missiles of our own right away."

    Tom Reynolds
    Systems Analyst
  • "I sincerely doubt they can reach us. My back scratcher was made in Korea, and the piece of crap can barely reach past my shoulder blades."

    Ron Buhner
    Gardener
  • "As an American, I'm getting sick and tired of other countries."

    Cris Langston
    Accountant

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