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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Can N. Korea Nukes Reach The U.S.?

Last week, U.S. intelligence officials stated that North Korea has the technology to fire nuclear missiles at the West Coast. What do you think?
  • "It's about time the West Coast started carrying its fair share of the scared-shitless load."

    Jennifer Cotto Research Assistant
  • "Big deal. There's, like, an 80 to 90 percent chance they won't even use those things."

    Lisa Campbell Dietitian
  • "Fuckin' Pyongyang."

    Rich Kingery Cab Driver
  • "North Korea has missiles that can reach the U.S.? We'd better get to work on developing some missiles of our own right away."

    Tom Reynolds Systems Analyst
  • "I sincerely doubt they can reach us. My back scratcher was made in Korea, and the piece of crap can barely reach past my shoulder blades."

    Ron Buhner Gardener
  • "As an American, I'm getting sick and tired of other countries."

    Cris Langston Accountant

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