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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Canada Keeps Marijuana Illegal

Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper announced last week he would not decriminalize and tax marijuana, despite calls to do so from the current mayor and four former mayors of Vancouver. What do you think?

  • "I'm impressed that Vancouver's pothead mayor remembers who the Prime Minister is."

    John Jackson Fire Inspector
  • "He’ll change his mind once he starts getting heat from the Visine lobby."

    Barbara Langmaid Pastry Chef
  • "As a pot-smoking enthusiast, I think the continued ban on weed is outrageous. Also, as a pot-smoking enthusiast, I think the continued ban on weed is outrageous."

    Jim Norris Unemployed

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