Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

Vancouver, British Columbia, the eighth largest city in Canada, has banned the installation of doorknobs in all newly constructed buildings including personal residences, mandating that the devices be replaced with easier-to-use levers. What do you think?

  • “But what about those of us who use long wooden planks to fasten doors?”

    Lincoln Zolotas
    Port Inspector
  • “It’s about time! Doorknobs are confusing enough, but add in Canada’s metric system and the whole thing becomes an unsolvable puzzle.”

    Henrietta Dolan
    Refinery Operator
  • “I think people should just stay in the room they’re in.”

    Connor Hwong
    Fountain Installer