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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Canadian City Outlaws Doorknobs

Vancouver, British Columbia, the eighth largest city in Canada, has banned the installation of doorknobs in all newly constructed buildings including personal residences, mandating that the devices be replaced with easier-to-use levers. What do you think?

  • “But what about those of us who use long wooden planks to fasten doors?”

    Lincoln Zolotas Port Inspector
  • “It’s about time! Doorknobs are confusing enough, but add in Canada’s metric system and the whole thing becomes an unsolvable puzzle.”

    Henrietta Dolan Refinery Operator
  • “I think people should just stay in the room they’re in.”

    Connor Hwong Fountain Installer

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