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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Canadian Dentist Plans To Clone John Lennon

Canadian dentist Michael Zuk told reporters that he paid $33,000 for John Lennon’s tooth in an auction and is looking forward to the day when he can clone the late Beatles frontman and raise the child as his own, then sign him up for guitar lessons. What do you think?

  • “Being a dentist’s son is hard enough.”

    Kent Gillan Information Securities Officer
  • “I’m in the market for a Lou Reed incisor if anybody’s got one.”

    Garrett Lafferty Unemployed
  • “Since when does someone who buys a tooth at an auction need a reason?”

    Melinda Basso Hotel Desk Clerk
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