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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Canadian Prescription Drugs

Major drug manufacturers are attempting to stop Canadian pharmacies from selling discounted prescription drugs to Americans. What do you think?
  • "Look, Canada, stick to exporting that maple-sugar candy of yours. We'll take care of the obscenely expensive prescription drugs."

    Caroline Lenhart Transcriptionist
  • "Man, I got some primo Nexium when I was up in Vancouver last year."

    Terry Yoder Solderer
  • "Canada has already given us the best medicine—laughter. Thank you, Ottawa's Dan Aykroyd, for everything."

    Phillip Settle Systems Analyst
  • "Gay marriage, legal weed, and cheaper prescription drugs? Next they'll have donkeys painted like zebras, too."

    Nicholas Perez Paramedic
  • "I want to see these senior citizens jailed. I mean, I actually want to see them in the jail."

    Allison Burke Auditing Clerk
  • "As CEO of Abbott Laboratories, I think Americans should consider themselves lucky they're getting our medicine at all."

    Jacob Harmon CEO

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