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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Canadian Prisoners Escape Via Helicopter

Two inmates at a Quebec prison made a dramatic daytime escape yesterday when two outside accomplices booked a local helicopter tour, demanded the pilot fly to the prison, and then lowered ropes for the prisoners to climb, though all were later apprehended. What do you think?

  • “Can’t Canadians do anything without showboating?”

    Gabe Schneider Foundry Supervisor
  • “Dummies. It would have worked if they had gone with my giant Trojan Poutine plan.”

    Sabrina Astin Systems Analyst
  • “Wow, prison is awesome!”

    J.J. Nakashima Baggage Checker

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