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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Cancer Panel's Findings Under Fire

The American Cancer Society is criticizing a study from the President's Cancer Panel that suggests Americans are under constant threat from environmental carcinogens. What do you think?

  • "The environment doesn't cause cancer. Everything else going relatively well in your life directly beforehand causes cancer."

    Rick Balfe Undercoater
  • "It's nice to know I can always rely on the American Cancer Society for the sunnier outlook on U.S. health."

    Liz Dwyer Pinion Inspector
  • "Well, it's too late. I've already thrown out everything but my iPad."

    Tom Cope Hairspring Cutter
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