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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Captain America Killed

Captain America, the comic book character created during World War II as a patriotic opponent of the Nazis, was killed by sniper bullets in a recent comic. What do you think?

  • "But who will avenge him? If only there were a group of 'avengers,' if you will, organized for that purpose."

    Monica Chan Systems Analyst
  • "Yet another intelligence failure by S.H.I.E.L.D.. How many more screwups must we endure before Bush fires Executive Director Nicholas Fury?"

    Herbert Mandelbaum Archivist
  • "Oh, man! Why are all the really cool assassinations wasted on make-believe people?"

    Diego Lopez Florist

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