Captivated By Carolyn

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Captivated By Carolyn

Carolyn Bessette, John F. Kennedy Jr.'s new bride, has captivated all of America with her beauty and style. What do you think of the woman who's being called "the new Jackie Kennedy"?
  • "Carolyn is so beautiful. She must, like, go to Glamour Shots every day."

    Ellen Quinlan
    Defense Attorney
  • "President Lincoln's son, John F. Lincoln Jr., married a girl named Mary Bessette. They ended up getting killed on a steamboat. Beware, I say!"

    Jerry McInnis
    Dairy Farmer
  • "Sure, she's got the poise, the grace and the looks, but how good is she at catching chunks of her husband's brains in the back of a speeding convertible?"

    Roger Thewlkes
    Flight Attendant
  • "I love her! In fact, I just finished reading her new autobiography, I Am A Spoiled, Privileged, Vacuous Human Barbie Doll."

    Christine Girolamo
    Systems Analyst
  • "What an elegant, glamorous woman. That JFK Jr. sure did pick an amazing lady to lose his virginity to."

    Sean Singleton
    Bassoon Player
  • "Finally, America has a clearly defined alpha male and alpha female to defer to. I'm so relieved!"

    Ted O'Brien