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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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'Car Talk' Comes To An End

Ray and Tom Magliozzi, hosts of the public radio program Car Talk, announced they were retiring the popular show after 25 years of broadcasting nationally. What do you think?

  • “That’s okay, my new mechanic does some pretty funny wisecracks too, I guess. Except his are usually about what a dumbfuck I am and how much he likes my wife’s tits.”

    Ernst Kane Link Assembler
  • "It’s about time they stepped aside and made way for a new generation of self-amused mechanics."

    Mallory Beck Unemployed
  • "So, at what point should I just start directing all my automotive questions to Ira Glass?"

    Hal McLean Fats and Oils Loader

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