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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Caravan Traveling U.S. To Oppose Drug War

Protesting the tens of thousands of deaths in Mexico resulting from the U.S. drug war, a group calling itself the “Caravan for Peace with Justice and Dignity” began a 20-city U.S. tour yesterday that will culminate in one month in Washington, D.C. What do you think?

  • “I assume anyone traveling in a caravan is pretty pro-drugs.”

    Bill Muenker Systems Analyst
  • “But the war on drugs was the war whose inefficacy we were best at concealing!”

    Roddy Blancaflor Quilting Machine Operator
  • “Yeah, well, they better not get in the way of my Free Mumia Convoy.”

    Regina Wilhoit Poultry Veterinarian
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