adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cardinal Law Under Fire

Boston's Cardinal Law has been ordered to appear for a deposition to answer questions about his protection of a priest accused of sexual abuse. What do you think?
  • "It's not like the cardinal molested the children. He just created an environment where it could continue unabated."

    Fred Tillman Forklift Operator
  • "If nothing else, Cardinal Law is a great name for the TV movie that will inevitably be made about this."

    Michael Polk Civil Engineer
  • "Just because a cardinal is in a position of power and trust doesn't mean we should hold him to the same standards of basic human decency as the rest of us."

    Max Allard Systems Analyst
  • "As long as these priests admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness, God will reward them in the afterlife with all the little boys they could want."

    Ben Downing Contractor
  • "These plaintiffs should ask themselves if justice is worth the risk of excommunication."

    Dianne Weston Secretary
  • "Jesus has absolved Cardinal Law of his sins. That's why I'm bringing a $100 million class-action suit against Jesus next week."

    Irene Bell Student
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close