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Cardinal Says Catholic Church Should Welcome Gays

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Cardinal Says Catholic Church Should Welcome Gays

While admitting the Vatican would not change its opposition to same-sex marriage, Archbishop of New York Timothy Dolan said the Church should be more welcoming of gays and lesbians, arguing that Catholicism needs to modernize how it presents its message. What do you think?

  • “Hippies!”

    Paul DiPrima Doll Wig Maker
  • “Oh no. I always knew this Golden Rule thing was a slippery slope.”

    Amelinda Page Shellacker
  • “Isn’t anyone going to keep hating gays?”

    Brian Barzman College Nurse

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